Regret and Forgiveness in Aging: How Older Adults Navigate Emotional Challenges Through Adaptive Mechanisms
Introduction
The global population of individuals aged 65 and older is growing, with the projection showing a rise from 721 million in 2021 to up to 1.6 billion by 2050 (United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs, 2023). In 2023, 34% of older adults aged 50–80 greater than the 27% who reported feeling isolated in 2018 (University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging (NPHA), 2023). Given this, it is important to better understand the well-being of the aging population.
Regret, is defined as a negative emotion predicated on an upward, self-focused, counterfactual inference (Gilovich & Medvec, 1995; Zeelenberg, 1999). A vast literature suggests that older adults less frequently experience regret and manage it better than their younger counterparts (Bjalkebring et al. 2013). Therefore, despite aging leading to decreases in several areas of psychological, physical, and emotional well-being, research indicates that aging may also be associated with improvements in certain areas of well-being.
This literature review examines how aging influences regret and forgiveness. Specifically, it outlines the impact of aging on three different types of regret (action vs inaction; low- vs high-opportunity; and prospective vs retrospective), as well as the psychological mechanisms associated with age-related effects on regret. Finally, interventions to manage regret and encourage forgiveness are discussed.
Regret in Older Adults
Action versus Inaction Regrets
Regrets can be categorized as action regrets or inaction regrets. Action regrets result from action to decision (for example leaving a safe job for a risky enterprise that fails) and cause intense short-term emotional pain. Inaction regrets are due to missed opportunities (for example forgoing educational or career opportunities) and typically intensify over the long run(Gilovich & Medvec, 1995).
Some research shows that there is a relationship between aging and these types of regrets (Nolte and Lockenhoff, 2024). Overall, older individuals report more omission (inaction) regrets than commission (action) regrets (Newall et al., 2009; Nolte, 2023). However, other research has found that the frequency of action and inaction regrets are equivalent in older adults (Morisson & Roese, 2011).
Further, when considering their greatest life regret, older adults more frequently report commission (action) regrets, particularly those feeling personally responsible (Komiya & Kusumi, 2012). This aligns with evidence showing that regret for action decreases quickly but regret for inaction persists and becomes stronger over time (Gilovich & Medvec, 1994, 1995; Rajagopal, Raju, & Unnava, 2006; Zeelenberg, van der Pligt, & Manstead, 1998).
Opportunity-Based Regrets
Regrets can also be examined as opportunity-based.. High-opportunity regrets apply to situations where people believe that they have more freedom to behave differently (for example high opportunities correlating with education where one was offered a scholarship to a top university but declined from leaving home) , and low-opportunity regrets occur when choices are limited (Roe’[se & Summerville, 2005. People report the most intense regret with high opportunity regrets when confronted outcomes they perceive that they had most control (Roese & Summerville, 2005).
Research indicates a big gap in opportunity-based regrets. Older subjects are much more likely than their younger counterparts to hold low-opportunity regrets. For participants aged 60 and older, low-opportunity regrets represented 75.5% of the regrets expressed compared to just 24.5% for high-opportunity regrets (Morrison & Roese, 2011). Older adults like to have limited options with challenges in life and past decisions.
Loss severity also has an affect with more loss severity often showing more action regrets than inaction regrets are felt (Avni-Babad, 2003; Morrison & Roese, 2011). Loss severity and regret type addresses older adults’ handling of different past decisions.
Prospective versus Retrospective Regret
Prospective and retrospective regret reflect aging. Older adults have little retrospective regret compared to young adults, but with an ability to protect against prospective regret in making decisions (Huang et al., 2022). There are differences in how older adults perceive regret. The correlation of retrospective and prospective regret processes also shows motivational shifts in minimizing retrospective regret (Huang et al., 2022).
Psychological Mechanisms Underlying Age-Related Changes in Regret
The Positivity Effect: Theoretical Foundations and Empirical Evidence
The "positivity effect", a preference for seeing positive information enables older adults to reduce anticipated regret and be more contented with decisions compared to younger adults (Nolte & Lockenhoff, 2024). The positivity effect helps enable selective processing of good things with less memory for bad things (Gallo et al., 2011; Nolte & Lockenhoff, 2024).
Two theories explain the positivity effect. Socio-emotional selectivity theory (SST) shows that older people focus on positive stimuli from having less time (Carstensen, 2005, 2006, 1999; Mikels, 2005). Dynamic integration theory (DIT) proposes that the positivity effect results from aging impairments with motivations changing (Labouvie-Vief, 2003, 2005, 2009).
Current findings support both theories. The dot-probe paradigm helped researchers find that older adults reacted quicker to positive stimuli compared to neutral or negative stimuli (Nolte & Lockenhoff, 2024). Both automatic (DIT) and controlled (SST) attention processes are responsible for the positivity effect, interacting with age.
Motivational Shifts
Motivational shifts link with perceived remaining time. Younger adults focus on prospective goals like skill acquisition, while older adults pay attention to immediate pleasant things (Nolte & Lockenhoff, 2024). There is transformation away from goals to preserve less demanding priorities, reducing regret over uncompleted goals (Ebner et al., 2006).
Motivational changes also impact regret management strategies. Older individuals employ primary control strategies to eliminate regrets. But as primary control opportunities decline with age, they shift more to secondary control strategies (Nolte & Lockenhoff, 2024). In long-term regrets, secondary control is important, but older adults still engage in primary control strategies like decision procrastination to prevent regret (Lecci et al., 1994; Wrosch & Heckhausen, 2002; Wrosch et al., 2005; Newall et al., 2009; Nolte, 2023).
Future Time Perspective
Future time perspective (FTP), is how one thinks about remaining time. According to SST, FTP has a direct influence on social and emotional experience (Carstensen, 1994). Older adults, in perceiving time as limited compared to younger, prioritizing emotional well-being (Standish, 2016).
FTP influences both regret and forgiveness. Research demonstrates that older adults are more forgiving than younger ones, and participants who feel their time is limited show greater forgiveness overall (Cheng & Yim, 2008). FTP serves to reduce regret and increase the capacity for forgiveness.
Cognitive Changes and Neural Mechanisms
Neurobiological research shows that the brain reconstructs regret differently with age. Heightened activation in regions related to satisfaction (ventromedial prefrontal cortex) and resilient response to missed opportunities in the reward system (ventral striatum), could be based on decision satisfaction for older adults (Nicolle et al., 2011; Taswell et al., 2018).
Cognitive changes present challenges and adaptive solutions. Declines in processing makes old adults settle for "good enough" options, tactics that can reduce regret (Bruine de Bruin et al., 2016; Chen et al., 2011; Correia, 2014). In addition, older adults show reduced ability in remembering regretful experiences. (Addis et al., 2008, 2010; De Brigard et al., 2017; Gaesser et al., 2011).
However, aging brings advantages in cognition. crystallized intelligence allows older adults to make better decisions from smaller amounts of new information, and reduce the likelihood of regretful decisions (Cavanaugh & Blanchard-Fields, 2015; Gilinsky & Judd, 1994; Gould, 1999).
Regret Regulation and Coping Mechanisms
Regret Regulation Theory
Regret regulation theory proposes that regret intensity based on personal importance and perceived reversibility of outcomes (Zeelenberg & Pieters, 2007). According to this framework, regrets are felt strongest when people perceive that decisions can still be changed or have alternatives after the event.
Morrison & Roese (2011) extended this work to older adults in a nationally representative survey of Americans. In their findings, they revealed action and inaction regrets were as prevalent across ages with no age differences on the action effect, but low-opportunity regrets were considerably more prevalent among older adults. Regret regulation theory needs more research for later life regret processing.
The study also highlighted education and marital status play an important role in regret patterns. Regret should be studied across the entire lifespan to construct good theoretical models.
Rumination and Emotional Regulation
People that regret often ruminate about the distressing experience or perceived injustices (Skinner et al., 2003). While rumination is seen to perpetuate more stress, older adults have higher ability in being positive from positivity effect (Lopez et al., 2021).
Older adults have fewer and less intense future regrets, feeling more positive compared to younger individuals (Bjalkebring et al., 2013). This regret prevention strategy results in better overall mental health in later life.
Forgiveness as a Pathway to Regret Resolution
Theoretical Models of Forgiveness
Forgiveness, the capacity to respond positively to an offender (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2010), is a critical process to manage regret. Research has established that humans become more forgiveness-oriented over time, fueling psychological well-being (Thorsen, Luskin & Harris, 1998).
There exist different theoretical forgiveness processes. Enright's forgiveness model suggests six "soft steps" where people have a tendency not to always forgive linearly (Enright, 1994). McCullough's evolutionary model believes resolution after conflict occurs when the relationship offers survival and reproduction benefits (Watts, Dutton & Gulliford, 2006). Interdependence models theorize forgiveness as a motivational construct in relationships where partners significantly affect each other (Rusbult et al., 2005; Standish, 2016). Lastly, Worthington's stress-and-coping model theorizes forgiveness as a coping strategy (Worthington, Jennings, & DiBlasio, 2010; Standish, 2016).
Self-Forgiveness versus Interpersonal Forgiveness
Forgiveness is both intrapersonal and interpersonal in nature, with specific paths for reducing regret. Self-forgiveness enables well-being following personal wrongdoing (Wohl & McLaughlin, 2014). Self-forgiveness among caregivers lowers guilt and boosts self-worth during profound moments like divorce or death (Rohde-Brown & Rudestam, 2011). Self-unforgiveness, on the other hand, leads to rumination over personal shortcomings and boosts depression (Ingersoll-Dayton, Torges & Krause, 2009).
Interpersonal forgiveness involves responses towards others' harmful actions (Standish, 2016). Executive functioning is a central aspect of the process, minimizing rumination after transgressions. Individuals with stronger executive functioning present lesser rumination and higher forgiveness capacity (McCullough et al., 1998; Watkins & Brown, 2002).
There is an interconnectedness of forgiveness and health to older adults. Forgiveness exercise on mental and physical health is effective (McCullough et al., 1998; Lopez et al., 2021), and can contribute to successful aging.
Self-Regulation Strategies in Later Life
Self-regulation involves 1) investment in effort for important goals and 2) protects self-integrity by obviating unattainable goals to reduce emotional distress (Wrosch et al., 2006). Older adults are shown to experience less emotional distress with self-regulation and with goal adjustment.
For regret older adults could use self-regulation strategies like blame shifting, social comparison, and goal disengagement to lessen distress (Heckhausen & Schulz, 1995). With such strategies, mental health is kept and realistic goals are chosen which is important for old age.
Evidence-Based Interventions for Regret and Forgiveness
Forgiveness Interventions Outcomes
Forgiveness interventions shows promising therapeutic potential. Systematic overall research using 451 older adult participants confirmed small to medium effect sizes (0.008 to 1.87), and just two studies achieved large effect sizes over 0.8 (Lopez et al., 2021). These interventions were found to disclose significant differences in forgiveness towards others (but not self-forgiveness in institutional settings), as well as a reduction of depression (10 studies), anxiety (2 studies) and rumination. Positive outcomes demonstrated enhanced life satisfaction (5 studies), happiness (4 studies), and overall well-being (2 studies).
The research indicates that group-based forgiveness interventions effectively reduce regret. Longer interventions and incorporating complete theoretical components have been more successful for older adults.
Life Review Therapy
Life review therapy is a technique that involves reminiscing on life events along an individual's journey (Jiang, 2024). Originally conducted verbally in the form of narration, life review has developed to include written approaches (Chippendale & Bear-Lehman, 2012), computerized interventions (Preschl et al., 2012), and musical therapies (Bennett & Maas, 1988).
Recent treatment alliance indicates that life review therapy enhances immediate satisfaction with life and also holds promise for long-term effects, particularly in lowering symptoms of depression (Jiang, 2024). Process in therapy appears to be linked to helping people unify experiences, assign meaning to prior decisions, and reduce regret through long narrative construction.
Discussion also: Community-Based Writing Interventions
Artistic, community-based approaches also have promise for engaging with regret through creative expression. Private reflection coupled with group sharing in writing workshops allows individuals to examine personal experience while also receiving external perspective (Ellenes & Bronke Senderud, 2015). These approaches are particularly well-suited for the cognitively deteriorating, as demonstrated by a Norwegian patient with dementia who was able to still produce meaningful poetry despite compromised memory.
The embodied nature of memory's connection to language expression suggests that writing interventions will activate held emotional and relational memories even in the absence of recall. This finding mirrors research with music-based interventions for dementia, supporting the position of poetry as the "most musical form of language" suitable for therapeutic application (Gerdner, 1999, 2005).
Enhancing education of writing facilitators and health professionals can enhance care quality through mutual relationship promotion and influencing aging management in policy and professional training environments (Jiang, 2024).
Discussion and Future Directions
The research indicates that older adults deal with regret and forgiveness through highly refined adaptive processes that develop over the course of a lifetime. Positivity effect, motivational shifts toward emotional well-being, changes in FTP, and cognitive shifts all collaborate to reduce regret and allow the ability to forgive later in life.
Nevertheless, there remain a few open theoretical questions. The contradictory findings on action effects in older adults suggest that currently developed regret theories need to be further researched. Future studies must further investigate interaction between different types of regret (action/inaction, high/low opportunity, prospective/retrospective).
This review provides support for a number of intervention approaches to help elderly adults manage regret and cultivate forgiveness. Life review therapy, group-based interventions aimed at forgiveness, community-based writing initiatives, and training in self-regulation all help aging adults.
Conclusion
The convergence of regret and forgiveness in later life gives us a complex but ultimately hopeful picture of older adults. Older adults demonstrate remarkable skill in coping with regret using adaptive psychological mechanisms (positivity effect, motivational change, and self-regulation) These intrinsic developmental, combined with interventions such as life review, and writing treatment, offer multiple paths to better health in the future.
As the world's populations continue to age, the importance of understanding these emotional processes of adaptation is increasingly significant in order to develop effective interventions and support systems. The research suggests aging can be further understood and be pushed to new angles. Through continued research and application of these outcomes, we are able to more effectively aid older adults developing over time.